Tears

As today is coming to an end I have realized how many tears that have fallen in the last 48 hours. It has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Waking up yesterday realizing that it was time to face reality that Jeremy would be shipping out soon. Knowing that he would not be there in the mornings, coming home at night after work, not being able to call just to say hello, not being able to meet for lunch, and not being able to text him to say "I love you baby".

When we woke up yesterday we had our morning cup of coffee together and then it was time to pack. As the tears started to fall watching him pack his final bags was heart breaking. Seeing the girls help him pack just made the tears come more. Seeing how attached they all have become with him and Jeremy so attached to them. I could see it in his eyes just as much their eyes that he didn't want to go. But duty calls. Cheyenne was distant at first but came around shortly after. She is the one that I worry about most because Jeremy has been such a great influence to her. They have a connection that can not be broken. They are buddies. They tried on some of his gear, which was funny because it weighs more then all three of them together. Lol! They each took turns wearing his hat. They decided that they were done helping him pack and they wanted to make Jeremy bracelets to have while he is gone. Hailley made one of her name, Skilah made one that said I love you, and Cheyenne made hers to say " Cheyenne<3Jeremy". Once they finished that it was time to swim. We all enjoyed the pool as a family and a few very close friends. We were able to have one last softball practice together, dinner together and then sat down to watch a movie as a family! As last night came to an end Matt and Billi came by to wish him well. Matt offered to go with me to drop him off so he could drive me home. I did take him up on that offer. Eric and Lisa stayed the night to care for the girls while we did that. We are fortunate to have some of the best friends in the world. But the tears continued to fall throughout the night for me. I didn't want to let go of him.

330 am came fast, but it was time to load the car, say goodbye to the girls, and get Jeremy to bag drop. The tears just kept coming. At 630am it was time to say the final good byes. I thought I was doing good at that point. Even when Matt and I stopped to get breakfast supplies for everyone. It was early so we figured chorizo and eggs with hash browns would be good for all. Matt helped me with the fan and then the girls came alive. Matt occupied the girls while I started to make the calls to family. Momma called to check on me and the tears fell more. Every time I called another family member to let them know Jeremy made it off safely more and more tears fell. I figured the best way for me was a mass text. Thanks Sara for that idea! Throughout the day I would just start crying.

Once we said goodbye came the time of not putting my phone down. Constantly checking to make sure I didn't miss a call or a text. Now comes the time I will have the phone in the shower, by the pool, at every meal, no matter what I am doing my phone will be with me! I don't want to miss one call, email, or FaceTime.

But as I tuck Cheyenne into bed I start to have more tears fall. Jeremy and I would tuck her in every night together. And I know that there will always be tears falling. Missing him and him missing out on the little things, something as simple as saying " goodnight, I love you"!

Tears falling....as they always will!